Why I stop compromise myself and why you should too
After a long tiring day, I sat on my bed. I attempted to give myself a small reward by letting myself open my social media when I stumbled to this song that relates vastly to my stories in the past, moreover, I believe many girls and women out there will be able to relate to this song.
I searched it up what was the song about and found an interview explaining:
“This song is for everyone that doesn’t fit the mold and has felt the need to compromise their individuality to be accepted — my wish is to echo your voices,” the singer @nemahsis says.
Source: Harmsen, Natalie. “Premiere: Nemahsis Drops Her Impassioned First Single, “what if I took it off for you?.” Complex, www.complex.com/music/nemahsis‑first‑single.
I recollect my younger days when I have unconsciously internalized the idea of how my identity wasn’t good enough.
Whether it be my character traits, religion, my conservative upbringing, or simply superficial things like “maybe as a teenage I’m not cool enough?” I feel pathetic listening to my own words.
I have always wanted to be someone that I’m not. Some of the people in my life made me think that I’m not good enough and convince me to change.
So I create another version of myself, the representative side of myself. I never adore my representative self yet I love to be seen with it.
Since they want me to act in a certain way, it makes me believe I’ll be accepted and loved if I try to become one.
Internalizing this type of belief makes me feel miserable. It feels draining to pretend to be something that I’m not.
In the end, I detached and disowned those emotions because I want to be relevant so bad.
Until one day I bounced to these people. My people. Who let me stays with my identity, they’re okay with me, who is still searching and finding myself.
The most important thing is, they accept me for who I am. That’s when I know that I can’t go back to being my representative self.
Meeting the right partner, the right friends, or basically, the right people for your life won’t be an easy task.
But once you found them, it’s a game‑changer. On the contrary, if they ask me nowadays, I will tell them: I am a woman who knows herself. I am a woman who knows her worth. I don’t change for anyone.
Cutting ties with the people that used to be in your life won’t be easy too. But I draw my boundaries. I will never be sorry that I don’t want to come back.
It feels like you’ve been sailing and exploring around the globe and you found your home, your so‑called island. Now I live in a safe space on my island with my people.
One time I was hurt after hearing my former partner admitting that his family won’t be happy knowing my religion. It’s something that I was born with. I didn’t get to choose which religion I want, I was just born with it.
But now I chose to live with it. Automatically it becomes my identity even tho I never choose and decide on it in the first place.
However, if they can’t accept me with how I was raised, with the faith I chose. I don’t think I can accept him too in my life. It’s the other way around.
I want someone who cherishes me for who I am, who gladly accepts my upbringing. How my family raised me is also a part of myself.
I want someone who sees my essence and character, not because of my background.
Someone who appreciates and recognizes my core gifts, the center of who I am. I want it that way or nothing at all.
One of my closest friends told me about how someone important in her life wanted a partner that has nothing alike like her.
No problem, everyone has their preference and we respect their choices.
So what do we do if our potential or current partner told us that they want someone who completely doesn’t embody our core gift? Someone who’s the opposite of our nature? Are we going to change for them? Take out our inner self and put our representatives self?
Changing for someone and hiding our identity only serve us grief. It hurts us the most when our core gift becomes a peril to someone significant in our life.
The friend that I’m telling you about is someone who knows her worth.
She deserves to meet someone who acknowledges her character as a gift. She is a passionate woman.
But her ambitions in life frightened some men. Because not every man brave enough to handle a woman who’s capable to be a leader. They will see it as a rivalry.
Even though it’s not something that everyone sees as a wonderful thing, but many can see it in her, it is so essential and such an integral part of her.
Some people will see it as a threat but some other people will see it as a strength.
Before you found the people who see and accept you for who you are, you need to appreciate the qualities in yourself.
Embrace yourself, your upbringing, and your core gift. Because it is something that you can let go of easily, your core gift is not a mask you can easily take off.
Choose your people wisely. The wrong people will make you feel unworthy. On the other hand, the right people will bring the best in you.
Keep finding, keep exploring, until one day you found them. Thank them for letting you stay to be yourself.